…that shouldn’t prevent me from making observations and having the odd rant.

I am paid to write clear, unambiguous UK English text and to present it nicely on the page. I am good at that and I am paid reasonably well for my work. I am also proud of my work and I tend to spend at least as much time on ‘post production’ as I do on getting the facts down in the first place.

(Incidentally, as I mention elsewhere, the same level of care does not necessarily extend to my informal writings – my blog posts, Twitter expletives and Facebook irrelevancies are as cliché-ridden and as devoid of punctuation and capitals – and sometimes of spell checks – as anybody else’s.)

But I am primarily a writer and as such my written output has to be of a certain quality, or else my bosses will find someone else to do the work.

So is it too much to ask that someone that is paid to make announcements over a public address system should be able to construct grammatically correct sentences, using words in the English language, and enunciate them clearly?

Long time followers will know where I am going with this. If I am standing on the platform at Vauxhall and the indicators are broken I rely on the person making announcements to tell me when – and where – my train is coming in. Luckily I have been making this journey long enough to be able to interpret the garbage coming out of the ancient metal horns, but I wonder what new commuters make of such destinations as ‘Sabbydan’ and ‘Renzbar’? (Surbiton and Raynes Park, btw – yes, I work out in Good Life land)?

We live in a rich and multicultural society and I wouldn’t wish it otherwise. Different nationalities and regional accents are part of life but please, if you need someone to make an announcement to a platform full of irritable people, choose someone that can speak clearly. I have never met anyone that speaks like the woman whose voice makes the announcements on the Victoria Line trains (‘Queens English’? None of the queens that *I* know talk like that) but at least it’s clear and cuts through the rumble of the train.

“Plea sallow Dee Passanchas off ditren befo boddin an yoos ollavillible dorce. Chan jeer var arnasharay sovvisis, Diztren is var jazzindan zard. Stan Cliddidas.”

_{(Please allow the passengers off the train before boarding and use all available doors. Change here for all National Rail Services. This train is for Chessington South. Stand clear of the doors.)}

>Anyone who has been following me for any length of time will no that before too long I’m going to get saddled up and gallop on over to cause trouble at the homeopathy homestead – but not just yet. Instead, another pate hate: announcers who cannot pronounce English. Now I understand that some people have regional or international accents, and that for many people English is not the mother tongue or first language, and there are antidiscrimination laws (as there bloody well should be), but even so -what is the point of hiring somebody to make announcements if they can’t speak bloody English properly???
I travel every day (well, Mon-Fri) from Bounds Green to Hampton Wick and back, and in the process of doing so I spend a fair bit of time on the platforms at Finsbury Park and Vauxhall stations. And so I hear quite a lot of announcements (mainly apologies for how crap the service is, and how trains going south to Brixton are being disrupted by a problem on an earlier northbound train at Tottenham Hale (WTF? I’m travelling *away* from there. Why the fuck is my southbound train affected by something behind me in the opposite direction???). Over time I’ve got used to them but even so, some of the pronounciation is abysmal and if I didn’t know what they were saying I wouldn’t have a fucking clue.
“Chan jeer fo veetorrlan and arnasharay sovvisiss*”. Plea stanclir off daclossindorce”. “Nobbidan”. “Plea stabby abby arlan”. “Welcome to Fibberypar station”. “Diztren is var Shabbadan, dinnex is var Jessindan Sart”. “Pliss allow dipasanchas off ditren befo boddin, and use ollavillible dorce”
This really isn’t supposed to be a racist rant and I hope it isn’t taken that way. But just as good vision is (presumably) a prerequisite for a train driver, surely good diction ought to be for an announcer?

I’ll add more to this thread. Believe me.

*Change here for the Victoria Line and all national rail services. Please stand clear of the closing doors. Norbiton. Please stand behind the yellow line. Welcome to Finsbury Park station. This train is for Shepperton, the next is for Chessington South. Please allow the passengers off the train before boarding, and use all available doors”.